Imogen and Dan, welcome baby Theo

With Poppy, my first, I remember feeling like a passenger in my own birth. Things happened, people spoke in acronyms, and I nodded along because I didn’t know what else to do. She was perfect, but afterwards I kept thinking, What just happened? And why didn’t I ask?

When I fell pregnant with Theo, I promised myself it would be different. The problem was that life was already full. Poppy was two and a half, I was working, Dan was doing long days, and the idea of driving across Sydney for an in-person class on a weeknight made me tired just thinking about it. A doula in person felt like a stretch for our budget and our schedule.

Then I stumbled across Chloe on Instagram. A virtual doula? I didn’t even know that was a thing. I booked a call mostly out of curiosity, and within ten minutes I felt calmer than I had in weeks. She explained things in plain English and never made me feel silly for asking.

Her virtual package included The Birth Blueprint, which I honestly thought would be a couple of PDFs. It was so much more. I worked through it on the couch after Poppy went to bed, with Dan beside me. We learned how labour unfolds, how to ask good questions, what our options were, and how to say what we wanted calmly and clearly. Dan went from “I’ll just hold your hand” to knowing exactly how to support me. We had video calls with Chloe, where I could cry, laugh and ask the “silly” questions, and she was a text message away whenever my brain spiralled at 2am.

Theo’s labour started on a Tuesday night, right as I was about to fall asleep. I sent Chloe a message, and she called straight away. Over video, she talked me through what I was feeling, and she helped Dan set up the room so I could move, breathe and sway the way we’d practised. Once we were at the hospital, she stayed on call, a calm voice in Dan’s pocket and a steady presence for both of us.

The midwives were wonderful, and this time I knew how to work with them. When something came up, I wasn’t lost. I could ask, “What are my options?” and “Can we have a minute to talk about it?” Dan backed me up every time. I felt informed and held, and the decisions were mine.

Theo arrived early Wednesday morning, in a room that felt quiet and safe. I remember looking at Dan and thinking, We did this together. Nobody was just along for the ride.

The difference between my two births wasn’t the outcome. It was how I felt inside it. Last time I felt like part of the system. This time I felt like the one leading my own birth.

I didn’t think I needed a doula, and I definitely didn’t think I could have one without leaving the house. I’m so glad I was wrong.