I’ve stopped and started writing this so many times because I’m still in denial that I gave birth to my baby! I traveled to McLaren Vale at 39 weeks pregnant to wait out the arrival of our baby girl. I was staying with my mum and Brad was working up until I was in labour so that he could spend all his leave with us once bubs had arrived. Wednesday the 24th of May, Brad travelled up and we had our last appointment at flinders in the morning. I was 39+5 and very over being pregnant. We discussed induction, the doctor was not pushy at all and answered every and all questions I had for her, we set an induction date I felt comfortable and happy with. I sent brad back home (3 hour drive) and said to him not to worry about coming back until the day of our induction. I was so convinced after the rough pregnancy I had that I would go over and have to be induced.

3pm hit and I felt like I had been hit by a truck! I have never felt so dead tired before in my life. I decided not to nap so I would hopefully have a decent sleep that night (pregnancy insomnia hit hard in the last trimester). Looking back now this was probably the first signs of early labour that I completely overlooked. I was having dinner with my mum, talking about my induction date and when babies birthday would be. I was quite uncomfortable, getting cramps, but assumed it was just discomfort from the cervical exam I had gotten during my appointment. I’d noticed the smallest amount of mucus when I went to the toilet but I was still in complete denial as there was no blood and it wasn’t a big “show”, passing it off as maybe just some discharge. I went to bed early still incredibly exhausted, the discomfort didn’t stop and when it started getting more painful I decided to start timing. Even at this point I was convinced it was just Braxton hicks. Lucky for me my body took over, I completely surrendered to the surges. Instinctively during these surges I focused on my breathing, I found leaning over the bed and swaying helped ease the pain. I was grunting and groaning, it felt very primal. I didn’t wake my mum but it’s like she knew, she got up and checked on me. This is when I panic called Brad who had only just gone to sleep after a big day of travelling.

It hit midnight, another surge hit, this time I was on my hands and knees, leant forward with my arms stretched across the ground and still swaying. I noticed a gush of water coming out. At that point mum got me into the bath and we were pumping the lavender essential oil, I still felt more comfortable being on my hands and knees. In this position my mum was able to pour water over my back and massage me when I felt I needed it. As I was GBS positive, once I processed that my waters had in fact broken and I was actually in labour, I got mum to call the hospital and they asked me to come in. My surges started to get more and more intense. Mum kept me calm, letting me prepare for the trip to the hospital at my own pace. She collected everything I needed to bring and let me focus on my surges. I kept debating whether or not to draw on my eyebrows or not, something I had joked about with many people during my pregnancy, had now actually become something I felt was an important decision to make before going to hospital, I did draw my brows on and they lasted my whole labour as you can see in our first family photo! Something so little is now something that makes me laugh looking back on.

My god I did not realise how bloody far the walk would feel from the emergency entrance to the labour ward at flinders. I regretted not taking the wheelchair they offered me as I had to stop twice for my surges two doctors had stopped to check on me and I remember feeling so annoyed at them, who knows why?? I shooed them away (felt so bad for it later HAHA). Turns out one was a OB and she helped me into my room. I was surprised at how welcoming it felt when we got to the hospital. My room was dimly lit, nobody was speaking loudly and my midwife made me aware that they would not offer me any pain relief I would ask for them as I felt I needed them. I asked to try the gas. I honestly felt like this had no affect on me but it helped me focus on my breathing.

I couldn’t tell you the time Brad rocked up but it honestly felt like five minutes to me, I was so relieved my body felt so much more at ease with him there. I wanted to get into the shower, I don’t even remember saying it out loud but Brad helped me into the shower. Makes me laugh thinking about my pregnant self worrying about what nursing gown I should buy for labouring, I didn’t give a shit about a gown I was gushing water every few minutes and I just wanted to be naked we stayed in the shower for a while, he encouraged me to try different positions (he remembered from our course/homework). My surges were hitting hard and fast, there was no break in between them. The shower helped for a while but I started to feel uncomfortable. We got out and I tried getting in different positions on the bed but the pain was starting to get unbearable and I was starting to doubt myself.

My surges were so incredibly intense and not getting a break between them was wearing me out fast. I made the decision to ask for the epidural, I could feel my body was in distress and I was making the right choice for myself. I was proud of how long I laboured without more intervention but knew I couldn’t continue the way I was. When they did a cervical check before my epidural after all this labouring I’d only dilated a further centimetre. I wasn’t discouraged but instead made me feel more confident that I had made the right decision.
This was the next hurdle. The first lady had serval failed attempts as she kept hitting bone. Another lady came in to take over but seemed to have the same problem. Like I said my surges were so intense and one after the other and it was so hard for me to sit still while they tried to give me the epidural. Time was such a blur at this point, I thought it had been five minutes but it was an hour and a half until they had put it in place. Brad was incredible, completely unfazed by the process that apparently makes most birth partners faint. He held me, he encouraged, he comforted me for the whole time, his focus completely on me. Unfortunately it still wasn’t successful and I was still labouring unmedicated and I was struggling hard. I honestly cannot remember much from this point which makes me emotional because all I know was it was one of the hardest times of my life. I felt out of my body, this was the only time I ever said “I can’t do this” to which Brad jumped straight in to support mode. He helped me change positions, he gave me so much encouragement, words of affirmations, it’s like he knew exactly what I needed without me telling him (I couldn’t really tell him I was in too much pain) he was so in tune with me and that’s just our connection as a couple but also from the training we did with you.

Finally a third anaesthetist came in as my epidural had failed. Her attempt was successful thank the lord! The relief I felt can not be described. The midwives said how amazing I’d been labouring unmedicated with how intense my surges were which was encouraging because I couldn’t help but wonder if I was just being a wuss. From then my dilation kicked up a notch. I couldn’t sleep as I was just too excited, I felt like a whole new person and I couldn’t stop thinking about how close we were to meeting our baby. It was my constant thought “I’m meeting our baby today” and it felt so surreal. I went from 4cm to 7cm quite quickly and it wasn’t too much longer before I’d reached 10cm.

Then the next hurdle, she was posterior (explains the awful labour pain). We changed my position again and used a peanut ball, we waited another hour to see if her position would change. During this time there were periods her heart rate dropped. I stayed calm, trusted my body, and listened to the professionals. Each time a change in position fixed the problem but looking back now I’m so proud of myself for not panicking during these moments. After the hour we checked her position and she had moved to the side and the Dr/midwives explained to me that we could start pushing and that might move her into the correct position coming down and out.

Wow, how fucking amazing it felt pushing. I had weaned myself off the epidural and was able to feel and trust my body during this process. My midwife was amazing at encouraging me, as was Brad. I felt so powerful, so proud, I could feel her moving down. I’m still in disbelief how amazing our bodies are. All of a sudden I started feeling a lot of pain when I was pushing. This was making it really hard for me to push as effectively as I was beforehand. I let my midwife know and she said if I felt it was necessary to start using the epidural again which I did end up doing but unfortunately the pain was getting worse. At this point it had been nearly two hours of me pushing, considering her positioning the head doctor came in to check on our progress. He asked if it was okay to do a check. What had happened at this point was she was stuck, which caused my cervix to swell and my dilation had gone back to 6cm (explains the pain I was having while pushing). Floss was in no distress at this point but her head was starting to swell.
The doctor was very to the point with his information about what our next steps would be. Which is what I needed in that moment I needed the info nothing sugarcoated. He said we could wait again for my dilation to go back to 10cm and hope her position changes again in that time but because of her head swelling plus her heart rate was a bit up and down the last time we waited, he was worried she may get distressed. He then said he recommended a c section in this case, she was stuck, I had already been pushing for 2 hours and was exhausted and of course he didn’t want anything bad happening to floss and I. In this moment I was exhausted, upset and couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. I couldn’t think straight. He and the midwives were amazing and answered the questions I had, they could see I was panicking and gave me time to collect my thoughts and make my decision. Again nothing was ever forced on me. After a big cry and talk with brad, I had to surrender what I wanted and do what I felt was best for Florence and I. I knew my body was exhausted, I had literally done it all and what an experience it had been. But I felt the safest and best option at that time was the c section.

We had an hour wait before the surgery which gave me time to process, to ask my midwife any and all questions I had, they also asked for my preferences. I felt so cared for and supported. Brad got his scrubs and I felt like I was living out my greys anatomy dreams wasn’t long until I was wheeled into the operating room which felt so intimidating. Going from my quiet, dimly lit birth room to the bright theatre with a million people running around. I did cry but brad was there and he was my comfort. The doctor peaked over the curtain to introduce herself when we both realised we’d met already, it was the OB who had helped me into my room, the anaesthetist was also the Second Lady who attempted my epidural, cue all the jokes about “we didn’t expect to still see you here” it made the environment feel less clinical knowing I’d seen these woman before and them joking with me.

Nothing can prepare you for how rough it feels them inside you getting your baby out we did have to stop for a moment to administer more drugs as I could feel pain and sensation still in my ribs. It was a scary moment, the anaesthetist advised me that this was the last amount of drugs they could administer before they’d have to knock me out completely. I thought to myself, after everything we’d been through I’d be so devastated if I’d have to be knocked out and miss the birth. She was so comforting and supportive, as were the surgeons being patient. Luckily they were able to continue with no more disruptions. The massive shove on the ribs to pop her out caught me completely off guard! But I didn’t even have time to think about it because then we met her. Our Florence had finally made it earth side and nothing else mattered. I’ve never cried so much in my life, I’m just bawling now thinking of that moment and how incredible it was.

All my preferences happened. Delayed cord clamping (for as long as possible in the theatre), brad cut the cord then I got skin to skin the whole time they were stitching me up. Born 25th of May at 9:44pm 3.6kgs, 52cm long. My midwife was a legend and got so many photos for us which I will cherish forever. I’ll never forget the pure love I felt watching Brad hold our daughter for the first time, how much he adored her, how he couldn’t take his eyes off her. There was no doubt in my mind that he would make the best dad but that moment just solidified those thoughts. We were finally a family and I’ve never felt so happy in my life (I’m sure the drugs elevated those emotions ).

Our stay in flinders was fantastic, the care, the education just everything was great. I was recovering really well and Floss got a reputation as the “super star” of the ward for being such an easy going baby. She was putting on weight, feeding really well, passed all her tests with flying colours. They offered to discharge us a day early but I chose to stay the extra day.
I may not have had the birth I wanted but I look back in awe of myself and how well I handled each moment and so much of that came from what I learnt from you in our sessions. I surrendered to my body, I surrendered to my baby, I let my instincts take over and let my body tell me what I needed to do. As a first time mum I feel this experience could’ve gone all wrong for me if I hadn’t received the proper information and education. Each step of the way while I was in absolute no control over what was happening, I had enough information to feel I was in control because I knew what was happening to my body.
**This whole journey from pregnancy to postpartum was worth every cent if not more!**
After experiencing a miscarriage I felt I had to be grateful for every minute with this pregnancy. Having HG, several emergency trips, a Dr who was not acknowledging my sickness, I thought this was just how my pregnancy was supposed to be. I was miserable, suffering in silence and quite honestly incredibly depressed and anxious. You giving me the encouragement and confidence to seek better help changed everything for me. From giving me the proper information and support I’d not received to the tools to stand up for myself. You gave me my power back when I felt so defeated and changed the rest of my pregnancy around. You got me excited about it again. It was the first time in my pregnancy I felt seen and heard and it was the encouragement I needed as a FTM who knew no different to the care I had been receiving.

Brad was an incredible birthing partner. As a first time dad he of course was nervous, didn’t really know how he needed to support me but wanted to be hands on. After your course he had the tools he needed; from supporting me through my rough pregnancy, helping me advocate for myself, he knew how to support the decisions I had to make or what decisions he needed to make for me, to how fucking amazing he was all through my labour and post delivery too. He was always right by my side giving me the care and support I needed, nothing was ever about him in any moment of our labour, his complete focus was on me and helping me achieve the labour I wanted. I owe so much of my great experience to him and his support. Watching his transition into fatherhood warms my heart. He got so much out of your course that helped him prepare for birth he no longer felt helpless, he knew the job he needed to do and he succeeded.

Chelsea & Brad

Enlightened Mama

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Chelsea & Brad

Sarah & Jack

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